Musician Angst. No, Elitist Angst. Well ok. Angst in General:

"And so it is, just like you thought it would be..." Damien Rice

I was blog hopping and checking email. I was looking at my cell phone and wondering how my credit finished so soon. I was thinking that my 11 month older brother has finished his 4 year bachelor degree and I still have 4 months before I start mine. I sometimes wonder how long my bubble that shields me from the world will hold. I imagine people reading this and rolling their eyes. Another cliche passing over their glistening pupils and they hate it cause they've been there, done that.

Is it odd and conceited that I dont reply to fanmail with grammatical errors? Is it strange that I have achieved one academic disaster after the other but I am happy where I am and happy where I'm going? Are you pleased with yourself when you scoff at my life and say that I'm doing this because I havnt the apptitude for anything else? Why does attending a polo match in lahore make people feel successful and powerful? When did life become so complicated and screwed up and where was I when it was happening?

Some one tell me what is with all these petty issues that people have with who you are, what youre doing, where you live, what you study, how much you earn, why you arent married or engaged... what the hell yaar. I want to not care about society and their fake messed up ideology about everything under the sun. Is it me, am I having to deal with the so called 'real issues' of the 'adult world' all too soon? Is it me, am I the one buckling under suffocating pressures of growing up?

Prissy aunties at kitty parties judging everyone under the sun. Scary that their opinions make a difference. Theyr the ones who have pointy noses to match their pointy heels and their golden rimmed sunglasses to match their golden streaked hair. Theyre the ones who stare at your shoes and tell other people that you arent a nice girl. Dont you wish you could tell them about the affairs their daughters have with 'middle class' boys. Suited uncles at dinner parties with cigars. I know you can call your friend and secure a 'prestigious' job for your good for nothing son. I know your son. He keeps the blinds closed in his room all the time because he hates sunlight. He doesnt know the difference between crows in the sky and those beautiful eagles with magnificent wings. He has a dealer come right outside your house and he buys his stash with your money. His life's motto at 22 years of age is a crude, immature, selfish, disgusting connotation holding, "Live life for today and enjoy everything to its fullest". Which basically means "I will use everyone who comes my way to credit my life and make it more worthwhile, oh and fuck you if you thought it was different. Didnt you see the motto on my forehead?"

You taught him how to play flash (gamble) and later on that night you prided yourself at making your son a 'real man'. You dont care that he couldnt get through his sophmore year at the $40 000 a year university that youve been paying for him to attend. You're all just sad bastards who will make it big on everyone elses expense; and plague honest hardworking lives with depression and the self loathe over the idea that theyre crap just because youre hogging all the opportunities anyone else could ever have.

But its not just you. Why am i angry that our government can spend 2.4 million dollars on stupid F16 fighter planes, when they cant even be bothered to organize a twenty thousand dollar grant to help foreign undergraduate study for their own citizens. Why did my friend's uncle get shot because he had a beard? Why did I get an email from some british person that said 'oh wow, I love your voice'. And then the next day i get another email from the same, saying, 'oh my god. youre a PAKI. I cant believe i let my ears get affected by a PAKI. die PAKI scum'.

My friend told me that Islam makes space for other religions. A muslim is a christian, a jew, a budhist and all the rest. I am sad that the pope died. recognize the dedication of entire lives to god and to religion. The will power and the faith. I respect that and so im sad. Why is it that when you hear of a muslim you think 'ugly hairy terrorist guy'. Why do these fuckers in indian film making always give muslim names to the bad-guy gangs, drug dealer characters and other such institutions of filth.

Is it just me or is this world majorly fucked up? Have you been here, done this? Are you still rolling your eyes? I really have too many questions today.